When making 12-Step amends, we must do our best to set aside any exceptions from the other person. Remember, we are present to clean “our side of the street” or address our wrongs and roles to the best of our ability. The other person has every right to feel the way they do about a previous conflict. Steps 8 and 9 of the standard Alcoholics Anonymous (AA) program address the 12-Step amends process.
- Therefore some Step Nine amends may take a little creativity and patience.
- Instead, you may need to engage in a dialogue with them over time.
A Choice for Meaningful Treatment with Dignity
Unfortunately, this scenario plays out much too often in the lives of people who didn’t get a chance to correct their mistakes and past behaviors in time. While guilt or shame can be a helpful marker to call attention to the wrongs that need righting, once that purpose is served, it’s time to let go. Holding on to those emotions will catch you in a storm you cannot outrun. In pursuit of healing, you must take a critical microscope to the examination of your life before you give it to your higher power. Your loved ones and relationships felt the ripples of your addiction, so now is the time to consider that impact on them.
DAILY LIFE
In the event of a medical emergency, call a doctor or 911 immediately. This website does not recommend or endorse any specific tests, physicians, products, procedures, opinions, or other information that may be mentioned on the Site. Reliance on any information provided by this website is solely at your own risk. Recovery support groups and individual therapy can help you if you are struggling to make amends or accept the responses of others. A sponsor or therapist can help you talk through your choices, determine the best course alcoholism treatment of action for making amends, and consider how your actions may affect others as you seek to make amends.
Addiction and Mental Health Resources
This list is Step 8, and it’s an imperative prerequisite to Step 9. An example would be telling someone how sorry you are that you stole from them and actually giving back what you took. Avoid initiating a conversation if the other person is distracted or upset by something unrelated. If possible, schedule a time to speak with them in advance to prepare for the conversation. Thank you again for taking the time https://ecosoberhouse.com/ to listen (or read this) and please reach out if you have any questions or feedback in the future. At Silvermist we are committed to being available for you or your family member day or night, you can call us 24/7.
Make a physical list living amends aa of the harm you caused (whether intentional or not) and categorize it by impact. For example, if you neglected or mistreated your children while you were using alcohol, a simple apology may not repair the damage. Instead, you may need to engage in a dialogue with them over time.
By Step Nine, we’ve eliminated many of the destructive attitudes, perspectives and feelings we used to have, which makes room for love in our lives. As we become filled with love, we find the need to share it in the form of nurturing our relationships, building new ones and by selflessly sharing our recovery, our time and our resources with others in need. The recovery process builds upon each step in your sober journey. Thus, it only makes sense that step nine is a response to step eight, which involves making a list of all the people that you have harmed and become willing to make amends to all of them.
How to Successfully Make 9th Step Amends
- These changes can positively impact the people you love and care about.
- As we become filled with love, we find the need to share it in the form of nurturing our relationships, building new ones and by selflessly sharing our recovery, our time and our resources with others in need.
- You have to put in the work to repair the damage and heal those relationships.
- There is freedom that is gained by cleaning up the past, a freedom to live peacefully in the present.
- Here, we explore Step 9, its goals, possible outcomes, and effective language for making amends.
Other individuals who have completed Step 9, such as your sponsor, may be able to help you choose a meaningful way to make indirect amends. If you have devoted the necessary time and energy to the first 8 steps, you should have a solid foundation from which to approach making amends in Step 9. Your relationship with a higher power—no matter how you define it—can help you to remain open and willing, even as you acknowledge hard truths about pain you have caused to others. It is very important to recognize that the act of making amends is for you and not the other person. You are setting the record strait to clean up your side of the street, so to speak.
